


Pretending Is Not Enough

by bisexuallydia



Category: Jane the Virgin (TV)
Genre: (its both i know), Canon Compliant, F/M, Love, Love Letters, Romance, au - ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-16
Updated: 2015-09-16
Packaged: 2018-04-21 03:30:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4813307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisexuallydia/pseuds/bisexuallydia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While tidying her room Jane finds the first letter she ever sent Michael</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pretending Is Not Enough

**Author's Note:**

> born out of the total lack for jane/michael fanfic (especially smut)

It was three o’clock in the morning and Jane knew she should be asleep, but she just couldn’t. Everytime she tried to get sleep, it was like she had this itch to get up and clean. Just imagining the state of her wardrobe made her restless. This is how she found herself clearing through her desk, just a couple of hours before she had to get up.

Jane was usually an organised person, she wasn’t the cleanest person in the world, nor did absolutely everything have an exact place, but she prided herself on her organisational skills. However, she had a secret and that secret was the second draw on the right of her desk.

It was where she put things, she was sure she’d find a place for eventually. Or at least that’s what Jane thought. Her mother called it a blackhole, Jane wasn’t sure her mother was the one to judge, but she let it go, as she was right. She kept saying she’d look through it, but she just didn’t have the time or the willpower.

Halfway through the draw, she found four clearly worn folded pieces of paper. It took her a second to realise what they were. But as soon as she did she wasn’t sure she wanted to read them.

She could remember writing them so clearly, holding them in her hand took her back two years, her heart speeding up. The nervous anticipation of writing them filled her body, she’d never done anything like it before.

It was the first letter she wrote Michael. It was the first of many, he loved reading them, as much as she loved writing them. She missed writing them. She still wrote romantic stories, but it was different. Writing them to somebody was intimate, it was special.

She’d never had the confidence to write them to Rafael, he was seemed to enjoy her interest in romance novels. More interested than Michael was at first. But it meant she had nothing to prove. But with Michael, getting him into them felt like a victory. And boy, was he into them. She was sure it wasn’t the books themselves, as much as it was sharing them with Jane. He was always so supportive of the no sex before marriage thing, and this was an intimate thing they could share.

She didn’t mean to start reading the letter again, it just happened.

 

* * *

 

Dear Michael,

I know you said you’d never read a romance novel, but I think you’ll change your mind for this one.

Jane xxx (or should I say Janet)

 

As Janet lay in her bed, she tried her hardest to not let her mind drift to Mike. Not his blue eyes, not his smile, not the way his hair looks when wet, and most definitely not how he was leaving her. They hadn’t known each other long, and Janet knew this. She knew that when someone you’ve only known a month leaves, it should be okay. It shouldn’t feel like your life is tearing apart at the seams. But here she was, on the brink of tears thinking about her life without him, how it shouldn’t feel so different, and yet it does.

She could hear a knock from her apartment door, but she didn’t feel like answering it. It was probably her mother, and she just couldn’t deal with that right now. She couldn’t deal with anything right now.

Hearing her knock at the door again, she still wasn’t convinced to get out of bed. However, hearing the voice muffled through the door shout ‘Janet, it’s me.’ Realising it was most definitely not her she lept out of bed with more energy than she knew she had, and went straight for the door. Opening the it she saw the face she had prepared herself to never see again.

‘Mike,’ she breathed out.

‘Janet,’ he echoed.

‘I thought you were leaving,’ she said, neither moving from their original positions, both still hovering at opposite sides of the door.

‘I changed my flight, I’m not leaving until the morning. I just wanted to see you one more time,’

‘Oh,’

‘I know I can’t offer you much, Janet. I can’t offer you what you need, I’m leaving but I want you to know how much you mean to me. I had no idea I could fall in love so easily, but I did,’

‘Mike,’

‘No, I do Janet, I do. I don’t care if it’s too fast, and I’m leaving. But I wanted you to know,’

‘I feel the same way.’ Neither of them had actually said the words, because that would make it too real, too painful, but they both knew. ‘Do you want to… stay the night?’

From the look on his face, he knew exactly what she meant. ‘Are you sure?’

They hadn’t had sex. Janet only ever wanted to sex with someone she could spend forever with. It didn’t have to be marriage, but the promise of it. It had meant she had had sex with her college boyfriend, Max. While that did not last forever, she didn’t regret the decision. She had loved him with all her heart, and believed they could be together forever, but not in this universe. In this one life got in the way, just like it is now.

In this moment she could still understand why she’d want to wait, but she also understood the other side. She wanted to give him everything she had. She wanted to give him the best memory, because unfortunately they didn’t get forever. She couldn’t control that, no matter how much she wanted too. But she could control this.

As she nodded her head, he tentatively stepped through the doorway. ‘I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life,’

And that was all he needed. The door slammed behind him, as his arms slid around her waist, pulling her closer.

As their lips connected, her entire body filled with warmth. A golden warmth, that flowed through her body. Her hands went to cup his face, pulling him even closer. His warm tongue, slid against hers.

As Mike pulled away, she groaned at his absence. Her groan quickly turned to a moan, as he placed open mouthed kisses to her neck. Smiling into her skin, his hands drifted between them, and started unbuttoning her shirt. Her breath got heavier with every button undone, until it finally hit the floor, leaving her in just her bra and pants.

In silent agreement they moved to her bedroom together. Luckily her apartment was so small it was only a couple of steps.

Their lips connected once again when the reached her room. He gently tugged her shirt off her shoulders. Moving her hands across his warm body, she pulled at his shirt to try to get him to return the favour. Reluctantly he moved away from her and in one swift motion removed his shirt. She had seen him without a shirt on before, but this was different this was more intimate.

Their bodies moving together once again, they were now skin-to-skin. But this wasn’t enough, she needed more. Their hands hungrily roamed each others bodies, as the heat between them built.

Her hands hovered by his waistband, as his found the clasp of her bra. Gently he unhooked the bra, but with his hand kept everything close, not releasing it. Pulling away slightly, he asked again ‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes,’ she whispered against his mouth. Slowly pulling his hands away, he helped her bra fall to the floor. Kissing his way down her neck, they both made an effort to remove all their clothes. However kisses on every new body part exposed lead to this process taking a long time.

Finally, they were both naked. Janet thought she’d feel more exposed, she had with Max. But this felt right. Them seeing each other naked was nothing, they had already seen so much more.

Falling back onto her bed together, he took one nipple into her mouth. His tongue gently lashing against it, causing her to moan out with desire, her hands shooting up to his hair. Groaning against her skin, her entire body vibrated under his touch.

‘Mike, please.’

Moving off her, she briefly mourned the loss, before he came back with a condom. ‘I didn’t want to be presumptuous, but I guess it payed off,’

‘It’s fine,’ she smiled, glad he took a chance.

Quickly donning the condom, he moved back over to her. Hovering above her, he searched her face, trying to make sure this is exactly what she wanted. And it was. There was no doubt in her mind, she wanted this. No, she needed this.

Her hands moved around his neck, up into his hair, and she placed an opened mouthed kiss into the crook of his neck.

Gently he slipped inside her, for a second it felt strange, before feeling like this was exactly where she was meant to be. As he started to move, the pressure built within her, coiling in her stomach. Pushing her higher with every thrust.

Finally, pleasure washed over her body. ‘Mike,’ she groaned, as she arched her back in pleasure. Her body pressing up against his.

As she came back down, she could feel Mike tense, as he reached his peak. ‘Janet,’

Rolling off her, he quickly took care of himself before wrapping her in his arms. She could hear his heartbeat against her ear. The rapid thud, gently slowing.

For a sound she had never heard before, she couldn’t believe it was one she’d never get to hear again. It was a sound that felt like it belonged to her, she wanted to hear it for the rest of her life. A lone tear slid down her face, as she buried her face into his chest. She never wanted this to end.

 

* * *

 

 

Jane wiped away the tears from her eyes. She hadn’t even realised she was crying until it was over.

She never truly gave herself time to miss Michael, she was too busy with the baby and Rafael, but now she was letting herself it all came back. She missed more than just the man she loved. She missed her best friend, the person she wanted to spend forever with.

The letter brought this all back, she shared everything with Michael. Even in the end when he lied to her, their lives where each others lives too.

Finally the tiredness hit her, the compulsion to tidy was gone, at least temporarily, and so she climbed back into bed. Trying her best not think about Michael.

**Author's Note:**

> all feedbacks appreciated :)
> 
> i'm [dearingclaire](http://dearingclaire.tumblr.com/) on tumblr, and i also run [fuckyeahjaneandmichael](http://fuckyeahjaneandmichael.tumblr.com/)


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